Herman Cain's Hype Man
Who is Herman Cain's hype man? Well, it's himself, obviously. If you've listened to him speak lately, you know he pushes 9-9-9 into EVERYTHING! Here are some hypothetical questions and answers I posted on a friend's comment the other day, figured I'd share with the world.
"Mr. Cain, what do you think of Pizza Hut?"
"Well, it's good pizza, but they don't have anything like a 9-9-9 plan."
"Mr. Cain, Abraham Lincoln believed in the segregation of blacks and whites. What are your thoughts on that?"
"Unfortunately for Mr. Lincoln, he had to deal with a lot. All of his problems would have been solved with the 9-9-9 plan."
"Mr. Cain, when Magellan wanted to find more land across the sea, what do you think his greatest fears were?"
"I believe that if his biggest fear was approaching the royal families and asking them for money. If they had the 9-9-9 plan, they would have had so much money in their treasuries to give him because the 9-9-9 plan in Phase 2 automatically presumes that Phase 1 is going to be a huge success and if you go on my website, I have no back up plan, historical data, or time table on how long Phase 1 will be an incredulous success; that is how much I believe in the 9-9-9 plan. It is unfortunate we don't have the 9-9-9 plan right now or else we would have the money to bake a time machine at the Godfather's Pizza I have in my house to tell the Monarchies of the Middle Ages about the 9-9-9 plan."
"Mr. Cain, when the Roman Empire marched all across Europe and Southwest Asia, how do you feel the Roman Foot soldiers felt about their sometimes poor equipment?"
"Oh, I'm sure they hated it. Our troops we have now will not have to worry. I will have so much money from the IX-IX-IX plan that all of our troops will have unlimited Godfather's Pizza - we will have a new 9-9-9 Pizza plan by then which will consist of 9 pizzas with 9 toppings for $9 because we'll have so much revenue from the 9-9-9 plan I'll be able to subsidize everything everywhere for the new 9-9-9 Godfather's Pizza plan, thus ending world hunger - and with all that money from the 9-9-9 plan, we'll be able to buy all of our troops Featherweight-Titanium Full Body Armor and Machine Shotguns with 500 round drums of explosive AND flash bang 12 ga. shells."
"Mr. Cain, why did it take so long for man to invent the wheel?"
"Well, not everyone can be perfect. See, the wheel is just composed of an 'o'. No one had put that extra curved leg at the end of it yet, so the actual concept of my 9-9-9 plan wasn't even feasibly conceivable at the time. That was probably the hardest time in Human history, when the 9-9-9 plan wasn't even a poof of even the highest imagination available."
"Mr. Cain, why did God create the universe?"
"9-9-9 plan."
"Well, it's good pizza, but they don't have anything like a 9-9-9 plan."
"Mr. Cain, Abraham Lincoln believed in the segregation of blacks and whites. What are your thoughts on that?"
"Unfortunately for Mr. Lincoln, he had to deal with a lot. All of his problems would have been solved with the 9-9-9 plan."
"Mr. Cain, when Magellan wanted to find more land across the sea, what do you think his greatest fears were?"
"I believe that if his biggest fear was approaching the royal families and asking them for money. If they had the 9-9-9 plan, they would have had so much money in their treasuries to give him because the 9-9-9 plan in Phase 2 automatically presumes that Phase 1 is going to be a huge success and if you go on my website, I have no back up plan, historical data, or time table on how long Phase 1 will be an incredulous success; that is how much I believe in the 9-9-9 plan. It is unfortunate we don't have the 9-9-9 plan right now or else we would have the money to bake a time machine at the Godfather's Pizza I have in my house to tell the Monarchies of the Middle Ages about the 9-9-9 plan."
"Mr. Cain, when the Roman Empire marched all across Europe and Southwest Asia, how do you feel the Roman Foot soldiers felt about their sometimes poor equipment?"
"Oh, I'm sure they hated it. Our troops we have now will not have to worry. I will have so much money from the IX-IX-IX plan that all of our troops will have unlimited Godfather's Pizza - we will have a new 9-9-9 Pizza plan by then which will consist of 9 pizzas with 9 toppings for $9 because we'll have so much revenue from the 9-9-9 plan I'll be able to subsidize everything everywhere for the new 9-9-9 Godfather's Pizza plan, thus ending world hunger - and with all that money from the 9-9-9 plan, we'll be able to buy all of our troops Featherweight-Titanium Full Body Armor and Machine Shotguns with 500 round drums of explosive AND flash bang 12 ga. shells."
"Mr. Cain, why did it take so long for man to invent the wheel?"
"Well, not everyone can be perfect. See, the wheel is just composed of an 'o'. No one had put that extra curved leg at the end of it yet, so the actual concept of my 9-9-9 plan wasn't even feasibly conceivable at the time. That was probably the hardest time in Human history, when the 9-9-9 plan wasn't even a poof of even the highest imagination available."
"Mr. Cain, why did God create the universe?"
"9-9-9 plan."
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